Angry Birds/Script
''Opening Sequence'' :Jake: Hey, you're watching— :Amir: What? You're watching who? You're watching chicka-chicka Jake Hurwitz. Episode :(Jake is sitting on a couch playing on his phone, when Amir comes in) :Amir: What are you doing? :Jake: What was I doing, or what am I doing now? Because what I was doing was kicking ass at Angry Birds, and what I'm doing now is getting ready to kick your ass, since you're frigging me up at the game. :Amir: (Reaching for Jake's phone) I own at this game, so lemme play one second— :Jake: Ahh! :Amir: One second—! :Jake: You are an anus of the highest calibre! Don't grab at my phone! :Amir: I once beat the first level in one chicken so I obviously know— :Jake: Well they're not chickens they're birds. :Amir: Yeah, well a chicken is a bird, so. :Jake: Yeah well it's not called Angry Chickens, it's called Angry Birds. :Amir: Yeah, well you have to capture eggs, and chickens lay eggs. :Jake: Well so do hens. :Amir: A hen is a chicken! :Jake: Is it? Is it really? :Amir: Yeah, it is a female chicken! :Jake: Fine, fine, I'm f**king with you. It doesn't even matter. Just shut up. Every time you talk, I'm taking away a turn. You lose a turn every time you talk. :Amir: No way. :Jake: That's one turn lost already. :Amir: No, because I never agreed— :Jake: Two! That's two! You don't have to agree. That's two turns. :Amir: Lemme start over— :Jake: Three. :Amir: —I agree to the rules. :Jake: Three. :Amir: I said I agree to the rules— :Jake: That's four. :Amir: I'm not gonna say anything when we start— :Jake: That's five. We're starting. We already started. :(Amir half snores) :Jake: Please be quiet with your breathing, you're f**king me up. :Amir: I'm not saying anything! :Jake: You're breathing really heavy! :Amir: Okay I'm nervous for you! :Jake: Just shut up! Just sit back, and don't say anything. :Amir: My cousin beat 23 levels of this game. I know how to play it—! :Jake: That is bullspit, that is bullspit. :Amir: It's not bulls—okay you just got a text message from your dad, it said "me and your mom are worried about you". :Jake: Yeah, they're probably worried that I'm not gonna be able to beat the game, but they're wrong! Cause I can play it all the time. Here fine, you wanna play? :Amir: Yeah— :Jake: WELL WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR OWN PHONE THEN. :(Amir wells up and leaves) :Jake: You will respect my authorita. Pigf**ker. (...) You pigf**ker. Eat that sh*t, you pigf**ker! You make me feel like I'm living a bird might dream, something something huh. :(Streeter opens the door, Amir behind him) :Streeter: Jake, can you just let him play, please? :Jake: He can get his own phone, Streeter. :Streeter: Can you let him play? :Jake: Streeter he can get his own phone! :Streeter: You can share! :Amir: Yeah you can share with me, you anus of the highest calendar! ''Outro'' :(Amir is sitting next to Jake, using his phone, but holding it so the screen is facing away from him) :Amir: Okay get me to the game. How do you—(sneezes on the phone) how do you get to it?